Revising Perspectives

It's amazing to recognize the change in perspective that comes with release from a 36-hour migraine. All life's pursuits, work or play, become easy rather than a drain, fulfilling rather than a way to maintain time and sanity.

I've been finishing up the Ene's scarf for mom while listening to my comps reading this morning. It's not quite done, but I've almost finished the last repetition of chart 3 and will then just have the upper edging to finish with chart 4. The repetitions within the lines have gotten to be so few that I'm startled by how fast I'm done with a row.

The construction of this scarf made the initial stages maddening for me -- cast on all stitches for the two sides of the triangle and reduce the number of stitches as you work your way up, filling in the middle of the "cone" as you make your way up to the center-back. It was so hard to see any real progress for the first 30 rows or so that I was often discouraged -- especially since the frogging that is a natural part of my learning process when working on a pattern involved so MANY stitches and so much un-knitting and knitting as I tried to get the sequences right. Frustrating is too mild a word. Maddening is better. Anyway, I love the look and drape of the shawl, so I'll undoubtedly make more with this basic structure -- I'm already lusting after the flower basket shawls I've seen on others' blogs!

Lace Lust. I think it'd make a great book title!
Maybe someday.

Well, I've joined my first knit-a-long (KAL). The button for it is up, and it is, naturally, for lace shawls. This will get me moving on my own mohair shoalwater shawl -- I'd like to get some wear out of it before July and August make it impractical!





I'm job hunting again. Scheduling with Dillards could not be worked out. I think I'm going to ask to speak with someone at B&N about the jobs they have available, to determine "if my applications are appropriate" -- yep, a way to point out that I am actually capable of doing the necessary work. My only real concern about working there is that I might come to hate the place -- and then what would we do for the knit-nights that aren't at someone's house? Hmm. I'll stop by the second hand book store to see if they need a clerk too.

This is only my second job-hunt with blind-cane in hand, so I'm still somewhat nervous and uncertain about what I should do. I need a second job by late April -- so I'm debating about going in for a position someplace like Wal-Mart without the cane. The stress/worry about tripping will drive me nuts at first, but I frequently don't use the cane in familiar places anyway -- at least those I know have flat floors! Example: I use it to get too my classrooms to teach, but I don't use it while teaching. I just make sure the floor is clear before I start so I can walk around at will.

I get a little lightheaded at first, since I don't have depth perception and can't see where my feet are going to land (visual field blockages). But once I'm used to the space, I do okay -- usually. Hell. I don't need more stress eating up energy I can't afford to waste. Hell and blast! What a quandary.

Recognizing my need for the cane has also been a major part of accepting who I am -- resolving my images of myself with and without visual problems. It also keeps me from breaking my ankles and reduces my anxiety levels. It's funny how much it can mean to me to be certain of where the floor is! On many levels, I just don't think applying and trying to work without the cane are practical -- I've chosen to be very straight forward about the vision impairment and what requires modification or can't be done. After my experiences with the durable medical equipment company when I lost the vision in the second eye, I'm not interested in wasting my time working with people who have a problem with my visual losses. It's jut not worth my energy when we're talking about jobs I have no interest in turning into a career.

But to be totally honest, I need the money, damn it. I want to do work I'm capable of doing and get paid for it so I can continue to work on this degree and move onto my "real" career eventually.

Well, clerking is a good way to go for me, but I'll have to convince people that I can handle the stocking tasks involved. Reception work would also be good. I've a great phone voice (all that theatre training had to pay off sometime) and plenty of experience being patient with people. Hmmm. We'll see. We'll see. Resumes and rest today. More knitting and reading and writing and grading. Job hunting and office hours tomorrow. Sounds like a plan. Wouldn't it be great to get a job that would allow me to knit too? Okay, I know. Asking too much here!
I wish I could take the knitting to job interviews -- maybe it would be a good prop for demonstrating my ability to do detail work despite the visual losses? Nope. It would just be a security blanket, and look unprofessional too. Harrummmph.